Epic Fail Lucas!

Wednesday, 27 June 2012 13:01

Written by Editor

For years I have been trying to figure out what is so fantastic about “Star Wars”? Considering the fact that it came out in the ‘70s, perhaps everyone was hyped up on LSD so no one realised how bad it actually was. Don´t even get me started on the “new episodes”. Where do I begin? You´ve got Mark Hamill playing Luke Skywalker moping round some desert planet complaining that he´s got no friends – which is no surprise, I wouldn´t be friends with him. Then Luke gets some new robot friends (and he´s still complaining), C-3PO and R2-D2. C-3PO really gets on my nerves, with that irritating “I know more than you” attitude and he´s so fussy. Little R2-D2 doesn´t seem too bad,  he shows Luke the little video with Leia and that´s when the journey begins.

Now, before we go any further, what in the world is going on with Princess Leia´s hair? Honestly! Does George Lucas really think that hair-dos of the future are going to consist of two Danish pastries stuck at the sides of women´s heads? Like that is a really attractive look, if you want to pull the Pillsbury dough boy!

Alec Guinness as Obi-Wan has only one decent line, and for the rest of the movie he pretends to be Gandalf. I don´t know who came up with his name, when I first saw him I was expecting someone from Asia.  Harrison Ford as Han is basically Indiana Jones just without the hat and the whip, he is really arrogant and smug. Wan leads Luke and robots to some very strange bar, with even stranger music, where we meet Han Solo and Chewbacca. Han and Chewy agree to help Gandalf, whinging Walker and the robots find Leia.

Of course, they find the Princess who is rather snotty with her rescuers and then there is a weird scene when the ship gets eaten up by an earthworm, a bit like Jonah and the whale. During the trilogy things get even more ridiculous, Yoda makes an appearance, the little fat elf like creature that sounds like a mature Kermit the frog. He seems to be quite moody and just keeps rattling on about this “force” stuff.

Let´s not forget the man of the hour, good ol´ Darth, I only think he´s cool because he has his own theme music. Can you imagine going out with him for a drink? He sounds constantly depressed, sighing between every word. Poor guy!

The fact is the “Star Wars” trilogy is biggest load of twoddle ever to be put on the silver screen. The dialogue is lame  –“They will be back, and in greater numbers” – the costumes are laughable, the story is ridiculous and the acting is appalling. The special effects were ok, I suppose for the time.

If I am wrong about this, then why did Mark Hamill take “Star Wars” off his resume? My point  exactly!

By Amy Thomas